“A mother’s arms are more comforting than anyone else’s.” Princess Diana
Parent-Child Relationships from the Child’s Perspective
How does astrology coupled with my spiritual outlook, help resolve Parent-Child relationship issues? The natal, composite charts and synastry are a gold mine. Here I will discuss how, when a child was not acknowledged and accepted for who they were, they will as adults have difficulty following their Heart. We were not heard then, so we cannot hear ourselves now. Following one’s Heart is an abstract concept we don’t innately comprehend if we were not encouraged to do so early on. I use capital H for Heart to indicate it meaning our Soul, Spirit, higher Self etc. Also notice the word “hear” is in Heart :-)
I will illustrate with my case, as a daughter first and as a mother in my next blog. I must preface with sharing a fundamental belief that helps me face my own music and forgive… Forgive them but most importantly mySelf. As expressed in previous blogs, my savior is remembering that my higherSelf is the director of a movie in which I am an actor. All the people and situations in the script (my life) were chosen by my Soul so I experience the spiritual lessons I came to learn. That approach helps me take full responsibility for all aspects of my life.
Our higher Being is in control of our life. The quicker we surrender, the better off we’ll be. Easier said than done! Many of us can’t distinguish between our true inner voice (Heart) and all other voices (head). We struggle lifelong looking for where we belong and experience impatience, frustration and pain in the process. We are mentally looking, where in truth we are yearning to being guided by our Heart, but we don’t know how to do that… We were not recognized and validated as children, so we battle to connect with Self as adults.
Many of us had parents who did not know how to listen to their children, to be emotionally present for them, because they in turn did not learn that skill in their early childhood. So as adults, we don’t know how to listen to Self, to hear our Heart’s guidance. We are apprentices. That explains the popularity of astrology which aids us get in touch with who we are. Many behavioral, mental or physical health problems come from having suffered from not being seen, not being heard very early on. Depression, separation anxiety, skin inflammations, to name a very few, may take root in relationship wounds. We either express our anger toward self (all health problems just mentioned) or towards others.
I use astrology to bring parent-children together. When we realize we repeat certain painful patterns in our adult lives, it’s nourishing to know where they stem from, so we take ownership to become our own nurturer and start healing. That in turn passes the healing down to the future generations, and believe it or not, up the family tree as well.
On the surface, my childhood was a blessed one. My family was a unit, in relatively good health, financially comfortable and living in paradise. What was my surprise when as a young adult, a very psychic person asked me if my mother had died! She sensed in my energy field an absent mother. She was wrong, my mother was alive and well (still is), but she was 100% right. I was not literally abandoned as a child but felt emotionally neglected time and time again. That subject is as clear as a whistle in my horoscope and played out in the womb and throughout my life.
For the ones who know astrology: I have Moon in Pisces conjunct Chiron and Saturn in my 12th house, opposite Uranus, Pluto and Mars in Virgo in the 6th house, with Mars on the DSC angle. My moon is thirsty for emotional bonding and intimacy, my mother provided spiritual guidance instead, which I am very grateful for, but the craving for validation was never fulfilled and I had to learn to give it to myself. The few tales below will make sense of the astrological signatures and show that life finds its ways to inscribe the destined patterns even within the best of families. Where we have free will is how we react. For that, it’s help to know what is going on.
When my mother was a few months pregnant, the Malaysian doctors couldn’t diagnose if she was expecting! This created confusion and apprehension, not what she needed, being far away from family and homeland. So early on, I could not be recognized and celebrated. Then she had to endure a relocation two months before my birth. She feared losing me. Even before I was born, lack of acknowledgement of my existence and loss were anchored in my cell memory. None of this was my mother’s fault, it just was.
To continue with that theme, during labor my mother was put out and when she woke up, I wasn’t by her side and nobody came to see her for hours… She feared the worst. All that separation angst was transferred to me. Then, when I was three months old, she actually nearly died. Moon opposite Pluto in my birth chart is where the topics of fear of abandonment and loss are most severely lodged. All the other aspects mentioned above confirmed and added more distress to be shared in later blogs, perhaps.
My parents unconsciously reinforced the “abandonment” story that my Soul had chosen to experience in this life time. At age one, they put me on a plane across the world from Tahiti to France in the good care of their friends. I was welcomed in cold climate for the first time by a kind uncle, whom I had never met. I stayed with my welcoming grand parents whom I had never met. Two weeks later, I was sent to my other grand mother, whom I had never met. Finally, a few weeks of vacation later, my parents arrived. That’s four breaks of emotional attachment in a row, even if the family meant well, I was only twelve months old! Many other similar stories happened in my formative years.
I remember being riddled with anxiety when my parents left me with their friends, for whom I had no particular affection, since they were different people each time. All the people who took care of me were kind, I was never in danger, I was just longing for oneness with my mother. My judging creates division within me, it’s best I smile to my life’s design that my Soul devised. If my mother had known I was born with Moon in Pisces, she would have kept me with her on her excursions and that would have toned down the injuries a little. The archetypes will play out, regardless, but awareness helps appease the intensity of the harm unconsciously done.
Stanford studies have shown that when one experiences hardship alone, it becomes a trauma. The scars stay as opposed to when we get to live through “hell” with others. That is why siblings and pets are of huge importance in the life of young children. They allow for the kids and pets to go through challenges together and support each other. There is at least one constant presence through it all and it matters… a lot! Harvard studies have demonstrated that it only takes one human to consistently appreciate, value and encourage a young person for that being to find happiness later in life. Powerful!
Circling back to my story, I was first born, so alone and each time we changed country (in my early childhood), my parents left our pets behind. Hence, the deepening, each time of the “abandonment theme”. I still can’t blame my parents because my Soul chose all this pain. I would not be able to authentically help people and animals, if I had not gone through suffering myself first. This life has been an intense roller coaster so far. However, it has also been very rich, the type of wealth no one can take away from me.
My soul set everything up. It’s incredible, because when I look back and relocate my natal chart to all the places I have lived in my life, I understand why certain experiences happened in certain locations and also why I was reticent to move to certain time zones. My sixth sense knew unpleasant events were going to manifest, but at the same time, tremendous growth ensued.
It is when I lived on the east coast, where my Moon (mother-motherhood-family-home) aligns perfectly with my MC/IC angle that we lost our baby at term. When seven months pregnant, my mother lost her baby, so at three years old, I lost a baby brother. Back then, parents weren’t aware that it is always best to share distress with their children, so it does not becomes a hidden unconscious wound. Children sense the truth anyway, so it is best to help them put words to emotions in the open. I was expecting a baby brother that disappeared with no explanations and was alone to digest the event.
Emotional stress that happens in utero and up til seven years (Saturn cycle) imprints the psyche. That buried hurt will become future unexplained crises when triggered later on, leading us to endlessly repeat the patterns ingrained in our subconscious. That is until we bring it all to light and start the life long healing journey.
Recently, it is thanks to discovering that my abandonment issue had been triggered once again that I was able to release anger. I could not let it go despite all my spiritual work. We were still in the torment of natural catastrophes (fires and mud flows) when our landlords decided to raise the rent significantly, so we had to leave. Life was adding insult to injury. Normally, my knowing that we were graced with a series of blessings in disguise, would have allowed me to move on. I could not, until I realized the scenario had recreated a feeling of “having been abandoned” by our landlords (replacing my parents). It is interesting to see how our conditioned emotional wiring causes unsuspected reactions. Decoding the reason instantly cured me from my anger. Connecting to my Soul’s journey facilitated my release of emotional bruises my ego was trapped in.
Coming back to my philosophy, which is a common one in spiritual circles, my parents deserve my praise. Their spirits fulfilled their contract with mine so I could evolve. My not receiving emotional nurturance when I needed it the most accomplished that I learn the sacred lesson of Unconditional Love. I therefore became a “CorAwakener” so I could practice tolerance and understanding of different paths. When I diagnose a horoscope, I become one with my client and see everything from their point of view, opening my Heart to their struggles. Astrology deepens my empathy and compassion for my parents and everyone else and allows me to forgive mySelf!
Forgiving Self is the only way we heal. The Ho’oponopono practice, stemming from the Polynesian culture (I was born in Tahiti) is one answer for the ones that choose the route of taking complete responsibility for our entire life, including all that happens to us (good and bad), even in vitro and early childhood. Let’s remember that we are here, on this Earth, to find Love and Peace (in and out). The nature of our journey does not matter. At the end of the day, we are here to learn not to judge. When we are ok with ourSelf, we find it easier to apologize. Who is perfect? Forgiving ourSelves and asking others for forgiveness is healing and freeing. It’s taken me time to hear my own Heart, I’m getting there…
E-mail me at corawakening@gmail.com if you would like to explore your relationship with your children and receive advice in a private session, I’d love it!
Thank you. I choose to smile. All my love, Corinne Cévaër-Corey
Ethical Astrologer and founder of CorAwakening
