"Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever." Unknown
Parent-Child Relationships from the Parent's Perspective
My previous blog’s goal was to illustrate how astrology may bring meaning to stories between parents and children. Certain events and acts may have caused pain. When wounded, we unconsciously repeat patterns and often not in obvious forms. The last essay was narrated from the perspective of the child. Once adults, how can we make sense of our current challenges? The horoscope puts the spotlight on the psychological and spiritual traits that travel in families and explain human behavior.
I will not repeat my philosophy shared in my last blog and continue where I left off. This time the analysis will be from the parent’s point of view. How can astrology help parents nurture their children they way they need to be loved? The beauty of this tool is that it facilitates seeing patterns from both angles, the child and the parent. The aim is to help us avoid blame games. The only way to heal is by accepting and forgiving, but it helps to understand. Most of us are not Mother Teresa and we need to comprehend before we let go.
I am the lucky mom of two young men, who became my teachers the moment they chose me as their mom. We do the best we can with the consciousness we have at the time. I thought I was a conscious mom when my first son was born. His birth chart showed a solid psychological makeup. In addition, we have harmonious emotional natures (Moon trine Moon), comparable outlooks on life (Sun sextile Sun) and similar tastes (Venus trine Venus) and so on. Nothing to complain about, except for the fact that he had the energy of a race horse and I have have a low count of fire in my chart. I must give myself time to recharge! He never slept but I was determined to be a good nurturer (physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually), so I used my “wounded healer” (Pluto and Chiron) energy and gave all I could to my child. I was driven by my wish to fill his emotional cup until he could confidently fly out of the nest.
“Children are mirrors; they will always show you exactly what is going on inside of you. Each phase of their growth is an opportunity to heal your own pain, to go deeper inside yourself and become more truly human” The Tao of Motherhood
However, we do not get away with transcending our emotional injuries just like that (see previous blog). That often takes a life time, at least for a late bloomer like me (strong Saturn personality). So life taught me a lesson of humility so I could improve as a human, parent and therapist. I was blessed with a second son but this one chose to be born with Moon T.square Pluto and Saturn! The same issue that I thought I had overcome was on full display in my baby’s chart. To the astrologer mom that I was, that meant that he too would not feel heard by his mother! What was I to do? Do the best I could and apologize, until I get it right. I am not where I need to be yet, and he surely reminds me, bless his heart. To compensate for the injury to an astrologer mom, he chose to be born on Mother’s day, his way of saying that he was my true gift.
Surely, both our children are master teachers. One is a manifestor incarnate and shows me how it’s done. It’s a beautiful thing to watch, how he puts his mind to something and gets it done (Mars in Aries conjunct Saturn). Perhaps I had a little part in his training by seeing this conjunction early on and put him in Martial Arts? The other child teaches me to listen, a huge lesson for me. Both sons are assertive, unapologetic about who they are. Observing them teaches me how to set boundaries and be more confident.
The younger son was born after the stillborn baby, hence lived in a uterus still carrying vibrations of loss, despite all the healing I had done. There is more to the story that explains the chart. I was considered an “at risk pregnancy”, so the doctors put pressure on me, time and again, to induce the birth. They wanted him out while they knew he was healthy. They instilled an atmosphere of fear and doubt around me and the baby. I wanted my child to choose his birth day and time, with no interference. He certainly pushed the doctors over the edge by coming five days beyond due date! Not only that, but while I was giving birth, the woman doctor (relevant because the Moon-feminine energy, was affected), was pacing in the hallway as she feared the loss of the baby. Crazy! I had faith this baby was going to be born alive and healthy, so I had to advocate for my child, I had to fight the establishment! That is reflected in the Moon T.square Saturn-Pluto, and also the fact that he does not feel heard by me. No escaping allowed for me, I’ve got to grow into a better listener.
I was not the confident woman that my young boys deserved in a mother. With time, I’ve grown and now ask for their forgiveness. It’s never too late. I was far from healed from my abandonment issues when I had the boys, so I was still insecure. I was a conscious mom, as aware and emotionally available as I could be but much improvement was needed and still is. For example, my big voice that irritates my youngest son is a concern. I still am not calm and centered enough, at all times, due to lack of steady breathing and inability to totally relax into my “good enough” being.
Both our sons have amazing aspects in their charts, to reflect parents with good intentions and so do I about my parents, but isn’t it the friction that always brings us to therapy? In general, we all need to distinguish between our fundamental love for each other and the unconscious baggage that comes attached with every day interaction. My second son has his Moon opposite mine and most of his inner planets square mine, creating tension between us. This explains a lot! I’d better trust him and get out of his way. However, I don’t give up on my parenting but am adapting. Nevertheless, I am aware I still annoy him. It is good to know we have clashing personalities, so nothing escalates. I am the parent, so it is my responsibility to avoid irritating him if I can help it, and tone down the potential conflicts when emotions flare up.
He knows I love him and I know he loves me. He has a strong chart with a beautiful Sun trine Moon, his wants are in harmony with his needs, his talents with his ambitions. I noted the tough aspects above to clarify why we rub each other the wrong way but we also have many supportive connections. His Sun is sextile my Moon meaning his fundamental nature is in harmony with my mothering. His Sun is in a grand trine with my Venus and Mars. My actions and ways of giving and receiving are assisting his core. My Jupiter (expansive, optimistic outlook) matches his Sun/Mercury (who he is and how he thinks).
My boys’ charts certainly helped me be a better parent. My youngest son had to relive hurtful emotional separation at age seven. His natal Moon-Pluto-Saturn T.square was triggered by Saturn in the sky mirroring his older brother leaving the family nest for boarding school (his choice entirely). His younger brother felt abandoned. Not only, but he happened to have a lady teacher (Moon-mother figure) that year who disliked boys. True story! So, despite being a model student, he could not receive validation, while he was in need of extra nurturing, having temporarily lost his brother. Life is cruel! We did the best we could and Bijou (our dog) was a nurturing presence, but our little one was suffering, because the abandonment issue running in the family, had been triggered by these events, again.
As to the other son, who chose boarding school for his own expansion, I could not have let him go if I had not been reassured by a deeper knowledge of his personality dynamics. Leaving home to attend a challenging institution was the very best thing for him. The horoscope confirmed he had to leave to grow his wings and fly, so he went. He needed to leave his overwhelming mama bear mother, so he could emancipate and find himself. He did just that and is indeed flying beautifully.
My mom is a Sun/Pluto conjunction and Moon opposite Saturn, I have the Moon/Saturn conjunction opposite Pluto and one of my sons has the Moon T.square Pluto and Saturn. As life attracts like, my husband also has Moon opposite Pluto and Sun Square Saturn. The other son has Venus opposite Pluto and Mars conjunct Saturn. We are all meant to transmute the particular theme of abandonment and loss, with Love. It is fascinating to see how particular wounds travel in the family’s birth charts. I only mentioned one facet of our birth charts, of course there is plenty more, they are full of treasures to aid us to decode the mysteries of life. Our Souls elected the right family tree with its DNA and stories, the right parents who would enact the right life narratives to trigger all the wounds over and over again until we actively disengage the patterns. Those come in layers and we are far from being healed, but we’re getting there…
There is no denying I am ambitious for my kids because I see their potential in the chart and their brilliance in real life. However, they need to be supported in finding expression of their talents in their own unique way. My job is to rise above and make sure they not be overshadowed by my baggage.
“A wise mother knows: It is her state of consciousness that matters. Her gentleness and clarity command respect. Her love creates security.”― Vimala McClure, The Tao of Motherhood
E-mail me at corawakening@gmail.com if you would like to explore your relationship with your children and receive advice in a private session, I’d love it!
Thank you. I choose to smile. All my love, Corinne Cévaër-Corey
Ethical Astrologer and founder of CorAwakening
